did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
