I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
did i walk over a car last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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