Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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