never play flip cup with pint glasses
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
