Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
