The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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