Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
