Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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