Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
