I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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