I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
