Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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