yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
