I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
