erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
