Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
