Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
