he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
