Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
