I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
