That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
