my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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