just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
