Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
