One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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