if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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