He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Panties = found
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
