I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
