Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
