if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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