Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
