Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
