; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
