How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
