I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
