mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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