Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
