life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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