he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
