Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
