his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
