remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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