Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
