Can Purell be used as lube?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I looked at my own cervix.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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