so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dear god my vagina.
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