Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
