Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
