I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
