she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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