its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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