I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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