Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
